When Motherhood Doesn't Feel Magical

“I didn’t think it would be this difficult.”

“I wanted this so badly… why do I feel so guilty not enjoying it?”

“Everything has changed. I just want my old life back.”

These are just a few of the things I hear from new mums all the time.

From a young age, many women are taught that to be "good" means to be nurturing, selfless, and motherly. As we grow older, the pressure to have children often increases - especially in our 30s - until it feels like an expectation we’re meant to meet joyfully.

So when the baby finally arrives, it’s no wonder the pressure to love every moment hits hard. But the truth? Motherhood - especially in the early days - is often far from magical.

Hormones fluctuate wildly, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Physically, you may be healing from a traumatic birth. Mentally, you’re adjusting to a completely new reality - caring for a tiny human around the clock, navigating a loss of independence and identity, and watching relationships shift in ways you didn’t expect.

And if you find yourself not enjoying it  - or even quietly regretting your decision to have a child - you are not alone. These feelings, while rarely spoken about, are incredibly common. Still, they can bring deep shame. And in the fog of sleep deprivation, you might not even have the words or energy to make sense of what you’re feeling.

But let me say this clearly:

It is okay to feel this way.

It’s okay to feel lost, resentful, overwhelmed—or all of it at once.

If you can, try to sit with those feelings gently. Share them with someone you trust. Speak with your GP or reach out to a counsellor. You deserve support, not judgement.

Be kind to yourself. While your baby is learning how to be a little human, you are learning how to be a mother.

If you’d like to talk, I offer reduced-rate one-to-one counselling for new parents. I’ve been there, and I’d be honoured to be there for you, too.